meet me in outer s p a c e [entries|friends|calendar] bohemian, with occasional rhapsody. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[06 Jan 2010|08:48pm] [ mood | complacent ] yeeeaaaaah internet. Christmas: was full of sleeping and rotting miserably in bed. haha flu. traveling so much did not help. New Years: was much better. stayed in, drank, finally finished the first batch of Glee, and ran outside barefoot at midnight to watch fireworks pop up all over the neighborhood from our balcony. Last Night: was wonderful. the girl threw me an early birthday thing (complete with homemade red velvet cake), seeing as sugar_and_synth and kasaii were staying the night before flying back to new england. cannot describe how much I love those two. I decided that my new years resolution (something that I normally don't really take seriously) for 2010 is to treat myself better in a lot of different aspects. physically, I want to eat a little better. or just eat, in general. when I arrived in LA, I was about 135 pounds. I weighed myself last week and I'm down to 115. I want to bulk up, and I want it to be muscle. on Monday, I'm going to start the net-famed hundred pushup challenge, alongside the two hundred sit up challenge. I'm reaching financial comfort now, and I want to complete these challenges as a muscular warmup before I look into a gym. my goal is to DESTROY surf season this year. mentally and emotionally, the self-deprecation has to stop. I need to stand up for myself more, and I need to quit letting people - especially those whom I consider friends - make me feel bad about myself, whether that's their intention or not. if I absolutely have to tread on eggshells around people, I'll accept it and do it, but I will not let them walk all over me in kind. I'm going to work on admitting my mistakes and faults with maturity, and not react to problems with instant anger. I need to understand that nobody is "higher" than me, even if they believe so strongly and stubbornly that they are. I have the potential to be a pretty amazing, collected, humble person. all it needs is a little bit of work. spiritually, this year will be taking my Buddhism much more seriously. even if it's only a few nights a week, I have to set aside time to meditate. hatred and anger are such fucking ugly traits. I'm tired of feeling them as often as I have been. sooo that would be that. on Sunday I turn 25 (a quarter of my life is over, jesus h.) I'm doing an artistic 365 project this year. I currently lack a scanner, but I will figure something out. I'm whipping my writing back into shape. I have my comic, and now I have a new idea that needs to find a path. I am happy. I'm starting to feel at home out here, and I'm finally finding stable financial ground. that being said, there is an iced coffee and leftover party dip making sweet, sweet eyes at me. Bang. 4 comments

[26 Dec 2009|01:45am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | aliens and shit. ] happy christmas, everyone. how goes? my flight went well. four hours to Washington DC, first. slept for two of them, watched BBC Earth and Up afterward. Up is sad shit in the beginning, man. I can't even say that nobody warned me, because I already knew what happened. but watching it was another thing. thanks, Pixar. asshole. then it was just under two hours in a tiny hopper plane to Manchester, where my family and a dunkin donuts coffee awaited me. oh, and fucking cold weather. christmas was good. got some stuff, all of which I've either casually wanted or actually needed. my grandfather spoke about his own inevitable (self-provoked) death and it freaked me out. saw my four-year-old godson and played a very obscure game of Chutes and Ladders with him. neither of us knew the rules so we sort of made our own. out of all the little people he could be on the board, he chose the piece with the asian girl on it. he made me be the little black boy. children and intuition are fascinating together. found out my father recently finally got married. cool, glad I was important enough to call and inform. wonder if he can support a new family by being a gravedigger. probably not. I'll pretend I don't give a fuck and all will be well, yeah? now, I'm drinking hot chocolate and watching War of the Worlds (1953) on the telly. also feeling sick. food has not been agreeing all day, and I'm congested and kind of achey. on new years, I demand blinding amounts of tequila. sleeeepy. Bang. 9 comments

[18 Dec 2009|05:49pm] [ mood | hungry ] I'm honestly considering putting more stock into my dreamwidth account and just crossposting the entries over to this journal. I've had this journal for a pretty damn long time, but Idunno. I keep hearing stuff. stuff I'm not sure I like. I need the internet back first, of course. I'm flying out on the 24th. I leave around 9:30 in the morning, west coast time. I have a two hour layover in washington d.c., then on to new hampshire. I'll be landing in manchester at around 6:30p.m. eastern time. I'll be flying back on the 28th, at 1:30 (et) in the afternoon. three hours of fuck-all in newark, new jersey, then homeward to LAX, touching down at around 9:00p.m. I'm sort of excited. I guess. thanks for advice on the last post, guys. words of support are golden to me right now. I'm not ignoring them; i'm just thinking. I'll formulate responses soon. Bang. 6 comments

[16 Dec 2009|09:22pm] [ mood | morose ] [ music | unattach - sneaker pimps ] I am not well these days. I talk a lot but in the end, seriously, who is even listening? why do I bother masking what I'm actually thinking with other thoughts that people would rather just skim over? there it is. it's out there. I'm not well. the time-bomb is back with a vengeance. how does one go about repairing shattered confidence? don't fucking baby me; that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for honest, true advice. sit down, pat me on the back, and give me a goddamn pointer because I'm fucking lost right now. one girl managed to make every sliver of confidence I feel sour. she made it so that every time I'm proud of myself or something I achieve or my looks or what I say, my dry-heaving inner reaction to it is 'cj, you're being a fucking narcissist. stop. you aren't that great." and I need to fix that. having constant love by my side helps. it helps so well. Bang. 14 comments

[13 Dec 2009|01:19pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | christmas tiiiiime is heeeere ] sitting in the 'Bucks, using the internet. free coffee, some pumpkin bread, a visit from two pretty ladies - what, exactly, in my life could go wrong right now? that's right, nothing. (unless someone sets my car on fire or something.) lots of shit to do today, chores, people to elbow, gifts to buy. getting everything out of the way in the early afternoon so that the rest of the day can be saved for quality times. the zombie-killing and keyblade-wielding kind. only zombie-killing if we can manage to muster up the balls. seriously, Left 4 Dead 2, what the fuck is the deal with the Witch infested level?? there is no way we can survive when there are three of the fucking things stumbling around in front of where we need to go. that crying will haunt me until I die. girl went back out for a few minutes to grab some wrapping paper. no dreidel patterns, I specified, lest my grandmother pitch into a stroke over how politically incorrect it is. party pooper, I know. my thoughts exactly. next, lunch at home. then, unfortunately, the sunday afternoon retail party begins. there will be blood. Bang. 2 comments

[10 Dec 2009|04:48pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | happy starbucks christmas music mashup. ] what does one do on their lunch break at work? go to Starbucks and raid the wifi. obviously. duh. so after I posted last night, I remembered that I'd been meaning to check up on community college prices in LA. I did the math, I did the research, I spent the time really looking into everything, and it all points to one solid fact. I am going back to college in the fall. hooray, me. by then, I'll most likely at LEAST score a promotion to assistant manager, and though it'll be tiring and frustrating, I feel like I can handle the full-time-working-student thing again. therapists can make between 20-60k a year. that is far more than I will be making if I stay in the retail position that I am currently in. we can-a work it out. we can-a work it ou-out. that being said, I have a warm slice of pumpkin bread to enjoy before I'm back to selling shit that rots and deflowers the brains of children. Bang. 5 comments

[09 Dec 2009|05:52pm] [ mood | okay ] Where'd all these cobwebs come from? Hi guys. I am without the internet again. The owners of the unlocked service that we'd been kindly borrowing decided to wise up and get a password. But it's alright, we're almost back to the point of stability where monthly internet payments won't be a pain in the ass. So what's up. My biggest developments have to do with my job. I'll put out on the table, right now, that I don't want to be stuck in retail for the rest of my life. It keeps my rent paid and allows me to eat, but it's not my particular long-term cup of tea. However, recently, I have been pretty much guaranteed my own store sometime in the near future. My training to move up will most likely begin after the Christmas rush dies down. If my current manager can support a house and four kids at the age of twenty-five with top management pay, who am I to argue? I have no kids, and I'll most likely wind up getting a nice loft apartment (at the least) with my girl after our current year lease is out. I'll be relieved to have the extra finances to clear up some debt and maybe start traveling the way I want to. Get some nicer clothes. Grow up a little, you know? I'll be twenty-five in a month. My life is maturing, and I sort of need to do likewise. Mostly, though, I've been keeping myself entertained. Been watching a lot of Glee (brilliant) and Merlin (BBC-brilliant), been replaying the Kingdom Hearts series with my girl, been obsessed over Left 4 Dead 2. I'm also getting back into art. I put it off for a long time because I felt intimidated that other people are just way 'better' than I am, but who rates that, anyway? Art is too fluid to be herded into Good and Bad corners. Fuck that. I'm a pretty damn decent artist and just because I look at someone else's work and say, "Gee, they're better than I am." doesn't mean everyone else does. I'm revamping my comic and preparing to rewrite a great majority of the story. It genuinely feels great to have a project again. If my tax return goes through the way I hope it does this time around, I'm investing in a good scanner. Wow, so, I talk too much? Lastly, some good news, I am going back to New England for Christmas. Just for a few days, the 24th to the 28th, but I am excited. I miss my family. And the cat. I MIGHT be able to get some time away from the fam's protective clutches to see some of you folks from Rhode Island, but it'll be hard because I won't have a car. I guess I'll see what happens. Mostly, I want a Dunkin Donuts coffee and some Munchkins. First order of business. Do the airports in Washington D.C. carry Dunks? That's my layover stop and it would just make everything PEACHY. Alright, I'm out, my brain is scrambled right now. I didn't sleep well (or much, actually) and I think I'm catching the headcold that Erica just got over. Mehh. Miss you guys. Bang. 17 comments

[09 Nov 2009|08:22pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | blama blama blama blam! ] Uuuuuuhhhhhhhstill waiting for those days off. Wednesday and Thursday, where the hell you at, boys? mostly looking forward to Friday. it'll feel nice to pay for my own gas and my own food and my own coffee by myself again. haaaa, first paycheck in a month. working this much WILL be worth it. I keep repeating that to myself. worth it worth it worth it. I said the 'c' word, didn't I? coffee sounds pretty satisfying right now. hm. should I chance the two bucks? (in an hour, I won't even consider answering that question. I'll just be looking at it like, "bitch, really?") there is a Dunkin Donuts opening up in Torrance, apparently. they're hiring staff right now. holy fucking shit, I will totally drive half an hour south just for a Dunkin iced coffee. I'll make it my day-off tradition. played the Left 4 Dead 2 demo last night and loved it. so far Borderlands is neat, too. video games are becoming my poor-man's escape for when the internet gets boring. usually I'd go out and explore buuuut due to lack of money or/possibly and any energy whatsoever, seems that sitting in front of the telly is a great and entertaining second option. dicks. and more Borderlands. Bang. 19 comments

[05 Nov 2009|05:51pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Red Faction on the telly. ] Briefly, now. Halloween was okay. went to a giant street party sort of thing near Hollywood. lots of people, lots of very... interesting costumes. I went as a Bad Wolf (but not so big, as I am kind of a small guy) and Erica was Little Red. I wish I didn't have to work. I had company over the weekend and I didn't even really get to enjoy it. the hour or so of solid hang-out time was fun, but not nearly enough to satisfy my craving for friends. I don't have many around here, yet. Job iiiis pretty awesome, but going into work every day feels almost like an exciting life or death risk. the area I work in right now is pretty shady. it could definitely be worse, but there's much to be said about a place when a gun is found on the sidewalk right outside of a video game retail store. yyyeaahh. but I like the store, regardless. my staff is awesome. I even sort of have a friend there. my manager never ever fucking sleeps, I'm convinced. I'm learning some spanish to keep up with the Mexican majority of our clientele, too. I started out with a pretty decent amount of hours for being The New Kid, but since our last keyholder just sort of abruptly transferred out, I'm up to six days a week. kind of sucks, since I've started to like sleep again, but the cash is needed a little more right now. I think I'm going to aim for a higher position. just something to help me get my bills back on track. General Life can't complain too loud. things have been better, but things have been WAY worse. I was expecting to be really struggling right now, but we're doing pretty okay, getting back on our feet. having Erica with me almost constantly really helps, too. I'll feel more comfortable and at ease once I start steadily getting paychecks. that first DM really almost fucked me over. I had more to say but honestly I've been opening for a majority of the week and I'm not used to morning shifts, so my mind feels a little fuzzy and confused. ssleeeepyyynnmgrr. Bang. 16 comments

[30 Oct 2009|04:25pm] [ mood | lethargic ] Things that need to get done today: - Eat and shower. Oops. - Chug a ton of cold medicine. - Pick Erica up from her internship. - Clean up a bit so that ryuichi and pikminlink are more comfortable staying here for a couple of nights. - Pumpkin!? - Makeup test for Halloween costume. - Pick Del up from work. This can be done. Should.. probably get on that shower-and-food bit now. Bang. 2 comments

[24 Oct 2009|11:02pm] [ mood | calm ] Thanks goes to both tsunami and kasaii for these wonderful time-wasters. :) ( LONG-ASS Get To Know Me survey. ) And theeennnn... ( A survey about roooomaaance. ) Oh boy how fun. Yeah, stolen internet in the new place. Who would have thought? :) Bang. 4 comments

[22 Oct 2009|04:05pm] [ mood | busy ] In just under three weeks, Del and I have managed to move 3,000 miles across the country, secure jobs, move into an apartment, and still take a bit of time to take gay touristy pictures. SUCK ON THAT. I still have quite a lot left to square away but I feel mighty accomplished. If I'm not working on Saturday, I'm treating myself to a Santa Monica beach day trip. I have a wonky Driver's Tan from driving through Nevada, and I'm looking to even it out a little. Apparently it's snowing back home. I'd feel pity if that snow-ban towing incident back in January didn't happen. But it did, so no pity here. I'll enjoy my 80-90 degree weather, thankskindly. I actually did want to make a serious update concerning the drive out here (there is a LOT to say; that was a damn cool experience), but the girl's internship lets out at 5:00 (my time, eastcoasters) and if I want to be in Hollywood on time to pick her up, I have to leave at 4:30. Make no mistake, the rumours concerning LA traffic are all true; Hollywood is only about ten minutes away. SO I'll write about the drive a bit later on. I'm not sure when my own internet connection will be up and stable, but it'll be soon-ish. I miss you all, on the other coast. I haven't been able to check my FList at all since I got here. SO TELL ME, what's up with you? What am I missing? How the hell are you guys? Give me some stories and updates to come back to! Bang. 37 comments

[11 Oct 2009|04:06pm] [ mood | good ] Hey guys, sup. I'm just momentarily stealing the girl's laptop to confirm that I am indeed alive and well in Los Angeles. I've been here for three (well, more technically two and a half) days and I still have that "I'm on vacation!" mindset. I've come to associate palm trees and nice weather with Vacation. I need to learn how to associate them with Home. The day I got here was unpack-and-unwind day. Yesterday was exploring Burbank and Universal City. Today was Hollywood. Not even just sight-seeing, either; just trying to secure a job. Job hunting has never felt so... tourist-y. The drive itself was fascinating. I can safely say that I'll never regret the decision to drive instead of fly. The sights alone made everything unforgettable. More on that later. Hopefully with pictures. For now, spaghetti and meatballs. Bang. 11 comments

Twitterpated. [07 Oct 2009|04:01am] We will continue with your regularly scheduled LJ - ( After this quick commercial break. ) Telepathically brought to you by LoudTwitter. Bang.

Twitterpated. [06 Oct 2009|04:00am] We will continue with your regularly scheduled LJ - ( After this quick commercial break. ) Telepathically brought to you by LoudTwitter. Bang. 1 comment

Twitterpated. [05 Oct 2009|04:01am] We will continue with your regularly scheduled LJ - ( After this quick commercial break. ) Telepathically brought to you by LoudTwitter. Bang.

[04 Oct 2009|11:39pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Something About You - Boston ] Alrighty. Nine o'clock tomorrow morning, I leave New England behind me. I turned my Loud Twitter updates back on. My LJ will be updated daily with them until I get there. If this annoys you, I apologize; just skip over them. Guys? It's been real. I'll really miss everyone. Take care and stay cool for me. If any of you get the urge to visit Cali sometime, give me a shout. Wish us luck on the trip! Bang. 12 comments

[02 Oct 2009|02:40am] [ mood | relaxed ] I'm in Salem, enjoying my last few days of relaxation before taking off for the great beyond. It's like the Journey to the West, just without a monkey. Unless you count me as a monkey. Which Del might, but it's still debateable. Topsfield tomorrow. Going to pet some sheep and stuff. I am eloquent. I found this point while recently obsessively randomizing half-interestedly browsing the BMEZine Encyclopedia: "People in body modification are often accused of pursuing body mod because they "like the pain." While this is true for some, it masks a more important point: we may not enjoy pain, but we don't obsessively shy away from it. In a world of modern anesthetics, where a person can literally go a lifetime without feeling pain greater than a papercut, we choose to undergo painful procedures of our own free will. This is not because we are all masochists, but because we realize that ocasionally experiencing pain makes us stronger individuals. Every time we are tattooed, pierced, cut, or branded, we are making a conscious decision to withstand a (relatively) short period of pain for some larger benefit. That said, no great tolerance to pain is required to engage in body modification. The pain itself is relatively minor and short-lived, and anyone can withstand it. What makes the pain of body modification special is not its magnitude, but that it is consciously chosen and usually seen as "part of the process." It is an acceptance that pain is a part of life." Neat. Good thing to memorize and vomit out the next time I get that fucking irritating question, "Why do you do that to yourself?" Etc. Bang. 2 comments

[27 Sep 2009|02:24am] [ mood | still stressed the fuck out ] [ music | Love Reign O'er Me - The Who ] Three days to go until it's Bye Bye Rhode Island. The weight and reality hit the both of us earlier today. Surreal, man. In a week, we'll be heading westward. Room's almost completely packed up. Had my last shift at Hot Topic today. Goodbyes blow. I'm feeling guilty because I probably won't get the chance to see everyone before I leave. I mean, hell, this isn't exactly a permanent goodbye, but still. This is probably my last night on the internet, as we have to cancel before our next billing period. Which, I think, is tomorrow. Technically today. Monday, I take the desks and bed frame apart. Get my board. Get any and all trash together. Pack like fucking crazy. Tuesday, all trash goes out. All packing is finished. Everything, done and done. Wednesday, hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more. Until we are out of here and on our way to New Hampshire on Wednesday, I am going to be an inconsolably nervous wreck. Okay, some things to finish before bed. In case I can't get back on, wish us luck in the next few days. It will be needed. Bang. 10 comments

[22 Sep 2009|12:01am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | I Love You To Death (Drive Safe) - The Juliana Theory ] - Getting into making this bullet-point thing habit until I have the brain capacity to form intelligent, well thought-out sentences with which to update. This will do, for now. - Car will be looked at and fixed up on Wednesday. I can't find anyone to drive me back home until everything is finished, so it looks like I get to sit in a garage for who knows how long while I could be home packing. - I have one week to go, in that same vein. - Picking up my surfboard on Thursday before work. - Mom is fine. Supporting me, again. I guess she didn't think I planned this quite as thoroughly as I actually did. Worried Mom Syndrome. It's okay. - I just did that thing where I zone out for ten fucking minutes again. This seems to be a Livejournal-centric problem with me these days. - Is it weird that I actually can't wait to play Car Tetris before this trip? I love packing. It's just a shame I've had no actual legitimate days off (or the goddamn energy) to dedicate time for it. This whole ordeal is running me ragged. I've dropped over ten pounds in the past two and a half weeks or so. I am still not sleeping well. My schedule is really warped right now - spend all night laying awake, restless and uneasy over either everything in the world or nothing at all, tossing and turning and finally drifting off usually around six or seven. Up typically around noon, groggy and not rested, go off to work, work all day, come home at nine. Try to relax. Be awake until the sun starts to rise. Repeat as necessary, repeat as necessary. I won't lie, I am excited to make the trip. Nervous, but more excited. And I really just miss my fiancee horrendously; her absence has been an undeniable black hole in my life. Three thousand miles is an awful long distance, and we're both feeling it now. Almost. Soon. Soon. When I think about all the shit I still have to do packed into a seven-day deadline, this week feels too short. When I think about how badly I just want to go, the week looks like an endless hallway. What the hell, that's all sorts of messed up. You know what could make this better? A CJ sandwich. With Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki as the bread. Mm. Yeah. Make this happen. Bang. 4 comments

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